Blame

It's one of the most popular pastimes among humans of all ages, cultures, and backgrounds.  A couple wants to go to dinner, but someone forgot to call the sitter.  Now they can't go.  He feels guilty for forgetting, they both feel disappointed that they must stay home now.  Then, someone has to point out who's fault it is that this less than optimum situation has come to pass...

We all find ourselves at this place, whether it is in our personal relationships, our workplace, or just about any other area of our lives where things can go wrong, and there are more people present than just ourself.  Now here's a challenge: the next time you feel tempted to place blame, ask yourself, "Has blaming someone ever actually benefitted me in any way, ever?"

More often than not, blame leads to conflict and an escalation of anger.  It drives people apart, and undermines the happiness that we work so hard to cultivate together when we are not upset.  It is a source of suffering, and of negative karma (see chapter 1).

When faced with a moment where blame becomes a temptation, try to imagine how you would feel if you were in the position of the recipient of said blame.  My guess is, if you were that person, you would already be blaming yourself and wouldn't need group consensus to reinforce that feeling.  You would also probably be the one person in the situation who wished most that whatever went wrong had not.

So put aside blame, and try compassion instead.  Whatever the problem is, it will not be solved any slower, but after it has passed, and been forgotten, your relationship will be the stronger (more trusting) for it.

Jim